Sunday, 3 April 2016

im going back to sleep tonite. just like whay i have been doing the past 3 years.
those years i had been summoning strength before i sleep. my chant, god make me strong tomorrow.

i had hated myself for being a girl so shy, yet so soft. i kick my butt, push my back - uve got to try to be strong. but that time was different, because i had desire. i had desire to become better, to be not look down

and how things have been different. feelings had overflown for these 3 years. i had tot of channeling the feelings so intense into my dream, my ambition. but i suck at it. i succumb to sorrow, prolonged one. ive been wanting to come back to being ok. at leaat, to feel okay.

i feel alone in this fight. i dont have ground in this battle. id rooted very strongly. but once u shake ur own faith ,whats there anymore to believe.
zit true..
that very little people love me
Tuhan, jika Kau ada
berikanlah aku ketenangan hati
berikanlah aku kekuatan untuk bertindak dalam hidupku
Kau tahu betapa jiwa ini sunyi
Kau tahu betapa jiwa ini merasa sakit meniti hari-hari yang ada
beginikah perempuan yang Kau jadikan, Tuhan
sifatnya yang sangat mahu memiliki,
perasaannya pada sesuatu sangat kuat sekali
yang jika ada takdir memisahkan dirinya dan kehendaknya itu,
seperti sebuah kampung yang terputus bekalan airnya
kotang,
kering,
dan butir-butiran padi pun mengering
kerana gersangnya tanah dan jiwanya.
every day i will tell the old wardrobe
that i dont have motivation to live not more
i mere live a day as a day
but i dont like how this goes
because i dont like being worthless like this
navigating without direction

IVE GOT A LOT OF FEELS
THAT HAVE GONE BLUNT
MY FEELINGS, IT SUCCUMB TO THE DUNGEON 

HOW I WISH, I CAN GO BACK AND RETRIEVE,
WHATEVER LEFT BY THE RAGING FIRE

IVE PUT HIGH PRICE FOR A DREAM
THAT PROBABLY WORTH A LOT LESS

WHERE DO I GO FROM HERE