I have been fighting with fear for as long as I remember I can consciously breathing. I have been in war with my state of emotion since I was a child. It is not a result an abusive childhood. Rather, I really don’t know why it is.
But I am tired of this struggle. Being too afraid to do something, despite my bravery at certain area in life. I don’t have that much of people who have listened to my stories. But I am glad to have found some very lending ears that water the seeds of faith and hope in me. That have keep my dream alive. Altho reaching them, are yet, a lengthy journey.
Im tired to be the one who does not have a sharp mind, who need to do a plentiful of effort before I can really get things on work.
Should I blame myself for my cowardice. That I shud have push myself further. That I shud not have pampered my emotion soily that it has become a spoiled brat.
But I don’t want to go too hard on myself anymore. Pushing myself into limits, and boundaries – those have been the victorious days. But how long can I keep pressuring myself that long.
That I feel it times for me to go slow and steady, rather than harsh and rush.
But I am in my 20s, mate. I shud have all the energy to drive me thru far and satisfactory.