Tuesday, 21 April 2015

Eff-eil




(I hope much that my look could be less deceiving to people)

Life has been extremely tough nowadays. Im not trying to be exclusive. I know others having it hard too.

I have never seen myself this happy. Its not like I have rarely been happy, but I dont usually capture the moments. This one pun, luckily it was Sara who do the snapping.

I have hard time defining my own self. Like people call(ed)me baik or sth whilst I know I am not that baik or anyhow innocent. I know adult stuff too. And I know how not pure the world is. We all live in a very exposed world. I used swearing words now and then, just to show how rough I am (thats how desperate i am kah3). Or just to satisfy oneself when I get a lot piss off. Its another way to say that "whats ur saying is bulls***" or that "I dont f care about what you say."

I dont quite remember any hadith or quranic verse that say Muslim should not be swearing. If there any, please remind me again.

I think some people don't quite use swearing becausee its too offensive, a taboo or that people just cant tolerate honesty.

But I know people like me just dont easily get to fit in with people easily, unless I put myself down. I have problem putting myself down.  Its not that I dont want to, but people like to degrade me in many ways especially when they say "You ni baik sangat." And to avoid being degraded again, or being verbally bullied, I distance myself, put a dark circling aura around me and cold persona with people I despise. I guess at certain point they are true. The "baik" me is aka "lembik". I was very allergic with muslimah yang lembik because I dont think they can manage to rise up in this challenging global world. But now I doubt that I am not pointing it to my own self.

I was baik because I don't play rough with people. I dont usually increase my voice volume when speaking. I dont do extreme prank. I don't say "bangang", "tumbuk satgi","nak penampaq?" Which I used to say during childhood but stopped when I know I am growing up to becoming a woman. I am quite certain that I need to try to use it back.

So, you want to play the game your way? Lets get rough.

3 comments:

  1. hi kak asma :D remember me? hehe

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  2. hha yah. i know you. sorry to have you visited this website and see how bad i am doing nowadays. how are ya? :D

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  3. Dont asma'. Kita suka asma hussin yang kita kenal selama ni

    ReplyDelete