Monday, 21 November 2016

if i were to wish for a dream come true. i just wanna board the flight on and off very occasionally, visiting all those countries i heard from afar, from the movies i watched, from the books i read, from the girlish dreams i have.

i want that moment with a person or maybe triple or quadruple of people i have fallen in love with their company, to have deep talks while watching the sunset from the old buildings with all its historical stories, and telling jokes and teases each other until we are all teary and stomach pain from all the out-loud laughing we have.

i want that dream i used to dream of so badly. to be in a foreign land to learn its civilisation, culture and past. to be the one who witness the every day life of those european people that we in the far away land have been admiring, either for the good reason and rotten one.

this dream, has given me all the agony in the world. and i still wonder until this date of when the world will start to notice that i deserve to receive this gift that much.

i dont admire european alone. altho of course, it is more appealing for most people including me because european likes to exhibits their lavishness and some poshness in the culture that they promote to us.  I hav also been wishing for a budget travelling with my dad in the land of the prophets. where we both know arabic very well, can communicated with them well enuf to not be cheated upon when making businesses. i wanted to travel by his side and to listen to all his stories of the cities and the desserts. because nothing is the the calm music to my ear (literally) other than to listen to his tots and opinions, and then noticing of how little time i have with this man, and how little have i given to this man.

Monday, 25 July 2016

Rul Mber Wan :

YOU DO NOT WANT THINGS TO DRAG YOU IN YOUR LIFE.

So if you feel like wanna do somethinggg.. do it IMMEDIATELY! HHA. No postpone.
Uh-HUH, Even toilet break doesnt count.

Sunday, 22 May 2016

eventually, i am that no one.
(READ : eventually means - akhirnya, towards the end of a story)
 i lie if i dont worry about him finding someone who are more someone, who may have deserved him better.

but im greedy, i wont let him go

Friday, 20 May 2016

today i realise that people might not understand the term i used, or the words that i would mean. not because i didnt make it coherent.
but rather, those the meanings behind those words might mean differently to them that what it mean to me.
like " being bold enough to invite speaker."
to me it would mean bein g bold enough to invite speakers that are outstandingly good and different ideas. rather than being just a good presenter or sth.

Saturday, 14 May 2016

I want you to pray for me.
to have that strength to pursue greatness

this is for my own soul

not for names.

Sunday, 3 April 2016

im going back to sleep tonite. just like whay i have been doing the past 3 years.
those years i had been summoning strength before i sleep. my chant, god make me strong tomorrow.

i had hated myself for being a girl so shy, yet so soft. i kick my butt, push my back - uve got to try to be strong. but that time was different, because i had desire. i had desire to become better, to be not look down

and how things have been different. feelings had overflown for these 3 years. i had tot of channeling the feelings so intense into my dream, my ambition. but i suck at it. i succumb to sorrow, prolonged one. ive been wanting to come back to being ok. at leaat, to feel okay.

i feel alone in this fight. i dont have ground in this battle. id rooted very strongly. but once u shake ur own faith ,whats there anymore to believe.